Day 13 - OCD

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a fear of not having locked the doors properly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect not locking the doors properly to fear, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate i the belief that I have not locked something properly if I have not checked it a dozen times over.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that I am checking because ‘something may have happened between my last check, and this very moment - something may have changed, the lock may have broken and become unfunctional - hence I must check it again’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly participate in the thought that something could have changed within the locking mechanism since the last moment I checked it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that ‘I have a responsibility to check these doors and locks, for if I do not check them properly something bad may happen, and then I will be responsible for it’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a fear of not having locked my bicycle properly, not seeing, realising, or understanding that within all of these situations I can and have seen that the door, window, padlock, lock, has all be locked effectively and properly, hence there is no need to check it, but I allow myself to participate in the niggling thought ‘perhaps I didn’t do it right this time?’

Thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in a second guessing of myself when it comes to locking up a place or a thing in my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a fear of the front door not being locked properly, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the front door not being locked properly to fear, and thus I forgive myself for allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a fear of the key being left in the door and someone taking and copying it, and then later breaking into my house.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the key being left in the door to fear, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief locks need to be checked a lot of times before I can deem them safe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a fear of being held responsible for something that I am ‘in charge’ of locking up, fearing that I will be seen as someone who is not able to take responsibility for things effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a fear of losing my job if I do not lock up properly.

When and as I see myself participating in the act of checking a door, window, lock, or padlock more than 3 times because I fear that it is not closed properly - I stop and I breathe. I will myself to slow down at what i have physically done, and to then stop and move on to the next thing that needs to be locked. I will myself to stop second guessing myself through seeing, realising, and understanding that I have done what I was supposed to do - that there is nothing else that can be done, and that hanging around and constantly checking is not going to change the fact that the door, window, lock, or padlock is Locked.

When and as I see myself participating in the thought ‘but what if I have not done it right this time?’ - I stop and I breathe. I will myself to see, realise, and understand that this fear is all me, and within this to realise that there is no use second guessing myself if I have already checked the thing a few times, it does not need to be checked again five more times, this is only showing me that I have become possessed with fear.