Thursday 7 April 2016

Day 5 - Nothings happening!

When I hear these words I get angry because I am saying to myself ‘how dare my mother tell me that there are no fruits to my labor, how dare she point that out to me, does she not know how hard I am working?!’

So I take these words personally; I actually believe them myself in that I see and say to myself ‘hey, nothing is happening’. So there is the need to point out to the rest of the world ‘well actually, something IS happening, you just can’t see it!’ And so I would hide behind these words and make myself believe they are true.

I am beginning to realise that to make something happen, I actually have to do things - I have to make the move, I have to take steps and actually DO. I have always seen that within myself there is a tendency to just let things ‘go the way they want’ - not ever really offering my own direction but rather ‘going with the flow’. In this context going with the flow means, for me, hoping things will ‘move’ and ‘get better’ by themselves, through some magical outside agency. This isn’t how it works.

And so when I hear these words coming from another person towards me, I get angry at them, and I get angry at myself for not doing the things I know I need to do - but rather just sitting and waiting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anger when I hear my mother asking me ‘what have you got to show for it?’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that I ‘need something to show’ for what I have been doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that in life I need to ‘have something’ to prove that my life is ‘worth something’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as the belief that life needs to be defined according to ‘things that I have’ like money, status, and influence.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realise, and understand that this idea that I need something outside of myself to give my life purpose is a fabrication of mind that separates me from myself and from existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my mind when it comes to the agreement that I must have these ‘things’ to make me ‘whole’, not seeing, realising, or understanding how my participation in this construct stops me from living my natural expression and living on behalf of myself instead of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a self judgement of myself whereby I say to myself that I am unworthy and incapable because ‘nothing is moving’ in my business.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realise, and understand that I am not even really taking the necessary steps to get things moving within my business, I can see that I have not pushed myself one hundred percent in making my business a success, so I can see that obviously things will not move if i do not move them.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise, and understand that I actually have to do things to make things happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just let things go the way they will, without once considering that I am not being the directive principle behind the choices in my life, rather just apparently letting life ‘choose’ for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that going with the flow is good - not seeing, realising, nor understanding that in this context going with the flow means to me ‘not doing anything’, just sitting and waiting for things to happen, waiting for other people to do things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that my life will just move along by itself and that all the situations I experience will be resolved by themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a hope that my life will somehow sort itself out without me having to Do anything.

Thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become angry when somebody points out the truth of my situation in that ‘nothing is happening’ in my life, not seeing, realising, or understanding that this is only so - because I have allowed it to be so - through not moving myself.

When and as I see myself thinking to myself that I need ‘something’ outside of me to grant me wholeness and ‘peace of mind’ I stop and I breathe, I will myself to slow down, to look, and to realise that I do not need anything outside of myself to give me purpose or direction in my life, breathing and living my forgiveness into reality in each moment, redefining and living the words self responsibility and authority in each moment creating a trustworthy, responsible human being that is worthy of living on earth, this is my directive

When and as I see myself as going into a despair at what is happening within my business and my life - I stop and I breathe - I will myself to take it slow and to define exactly what it is my steps should be in regard to a point, so for instance getting leads - I can write down the steps I know are necessary to get the ball moving, and it is then simply a case of following them, creating more steps, and seeing where each step goes. Seeing each step fulfilled and moving onto the next, creating movement within myself and thus my life.

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