Day 9 - Grounded

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a judgement of myself as being ‘not grounded’.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise, and understand that I have not yet defined what grounded means to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in daydreams because I wish for my daydreams to mimic my reality, I wish that everything that happened in my head actually happened in the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exclude myself from the realisation that reality is of a different quality to my dreams, in that it is real and can be worked with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that being in a space of non groundedness is easier than actually being Here.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise,and understand that being in a non-grounded state means not being Here, and if I am not Here, then I am not really Doing anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that being grounded means being boring.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that being grounded means not being excited.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define life according to the belief that it ‘must be exciting’ and that I must ‘always be on a high’, not seeing, realising, or understanding that excitement is energy that I have created around something, and thus a way that I use to avoid what is actually really here.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise, and understand that the word grounded means ‘well balanced and sensible’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that grounded means being rooted, boring, and avoiding excitement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that I am already well balanced and sensible in my life - not seeing, realising, or understanding that this is simply how I would like to be perceived in my reality - that I have not actually lived these words into existence as myself yet.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to participate in a fear that I am incapable of being well-balanced and sensible, not seeing, realising, nor understanding fully that I have the support tools of writing and self forgiveness that has and will allow me to continue to open up a space within myself from which I can move in a grounded way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that ‘I do not need to be grounded’ for the things I do in my life. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that being grounded is unnecessary. Not actually seeing or realising what the full implications of this actually means for myself. I will myself to see and realise and understand that moving from a place of ungroundedness means that I am not actually here while I am moving, and thus my movement can be called into question - am I really moving at all? Or am I just surfing energy waves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that I can get through life simply by surfing the energy waves that I have created for myself, not really seeing or realising that these energy waves eventually dissipate, such is their nature, and then there will be nobody and nothing left to move me.

When and as I see myself as having allowed myself to wander in my mind into some daydream/fantasy whereby I become excited and charged - I stop and I breathe.  I will myself to see, realise, and understand that I have created this energy and that I am, looking for an experience because I am used to this energy addiction, I am used to getting an energy fix. Thus I will myself to see, realise, and understand that I can use these moments of daydreaming as a route by which to go into myself in a constructive way - through writing and self forgiveness, each ‘dream’ leading me to an opportunity to become more within myself and my life. Thus I will myself to look at my mind.

When and as I see myself participating in the belief that I ‘can get through life’ by ‘riding the energy waves of my mind’, believing that I do not need to be grounded when I am riding these waves of energy, that I will be placing myself at a disadvantage is I do not speak and move from a point of energy, I stop and I breathe, and I will myself to see, realise, and understand that everything that goes up, comes down, that my energetic thrill seeking is bound to dissipate and disappear once the energy runs out, and that I will be left in opposite end of the spectrum, living the belief that because I have run out of energy, I will not be able to speak and do the things I do in the apparently ‘efficient’ manner in which I did them. I will myself to see, realise and understand that I can move from a different source, a different starting point - one that does not rely on energy and thus can be called upon in all moments of life, the starting point of breath and self honesty. Thus then no matter what situation I am faced with, I can always revert back to breath as my starting point.

Day 8 - Standing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a fear of ‘standing up’ and taking responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that standing means taking responsibility for myself and other people and things. Not seeing, realising, or understanding that this point of taking responsibility for myself-people-things is connected to standing, though it is not ‘standing’ as the real life definition of the word.

Hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘taking responsibility’ to the definition of ‘standing’ as ‘position, status, and reputation’ - seeing, realising, and understanding that the three things that these words share is responsibility, as responsibility or lack thereof is implied within these words, but it’s definition does not rest solely in this word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that standing means having to do ‘the hard things in life’. Thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘standing’ to ‘hard things in life’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that life is either ‘hard’ or ‘‘easy’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect life to the polarity of hard and easy, not seeing, realising, or understanding that Life is Life, and that my experience of hard and easy comes from myself as the acceptance or resistance of certain moments, such as a resistance to doing new things in my life - this resistance is based on a fear of the unknown - or when I am very accepting of an experience due to familiarity and trust. I am seeing that both of these points of resistance and acceptance are mind-games I play with myself, as I see and realise that they are just opinions (and are ever changing) and that I am the author of my opinions in every way. I will myself to see, realise, and understand that my opinions can never be trusted - as they do not come from a place of common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that I must be a breadwinner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that I must be a provider.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a fear of ‘providing’ for others. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘providing for others’ to fear, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a judgement of myself because I can see that I do not provide as much for my family as other cousins and relations do for theirs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in self anguish at not ‘standing up’ to the level of money and prestige they have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having position, status, or reputation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect position, status, and reputation to fear, so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear, seeing, realising, and understanding that my fear of having actual real standing in the world is my fear of taking full responsibility. And furthermore that this fear is not real in any sense other than a mind sense. And even further more that my fear of taking responsibility rests on my fear of failing.

Thus when and as I see myself as refusing responsibility out of a fear that ‘I will not be able to do it, I will fail somehow, I am not good/worthy enough’ I stop and I breathe. I will myself to see how this self talk is inhibiting me from achieving my utmost potential, because if I do not step up to things in my life, if I do not ‘step up to the plate’ and instead allow fear of failure to guide me out of doing something that would have otherwise expanded me, then I have lost an opportunity for self growth. And this I will not accept or allow.

I will myself to fully see, realise, and understand that the image I hold of my other affluent family members is not truly an image of who and what they are, I see them as successful, having money, having ease of life - not actually seeing that these are all my projections - and that they cannot not match up to how they are actually experiencing themselves - because I cannot truly tell. Thus I cannot compare myself with them in anyway because I do not actually know what they are going through themselves. I will myself to see that the thought ‘because they have money they must be happy’ is not to be trusted and that this comparison serves no purpose other than to limit me.

Day 7 - Authority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a fear of the word authority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word authority to fear, and so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a fear of being ‘told off’ by authority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘being told off by authority’ to fear, thus I forgive myself for allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always try to be in friction with authority figures, participating within the belief that ‘I must show them who the boss of me is’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anger at the thought that authority figures in my life have power over me, not seeing, realising, nor understanding that no one really has power over me in this way except me, so that means being given an order or a directive is not the same as having my ‘soul’ bent to another person’s will. It is just a fact that in instances in this world we have people who are in authoritative positions, whose orders and directives we must abide by. Hence I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take these moments personally in a way in which I believe I have been cast down as inferior to this other superior being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that anybody in an authority position is superior to me, not seeing, realising, and understanding that this these polarities of inferior and superior are not really physically real; as they only exist in the mind of the beholder, hence only by my own self acceptance and self allowance does this belief of being superior and inferior come to pass. Seeing now that everything in this existence is physically equal and quantifiably one. There are no demarcating lines in reality.

I thus forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a fear of authority being ‘used’ on me, seeing, realising, and understanding that I am actually ‘using/ab-using’ these ideas onto myself, of being more or of being less.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘authority being used on me’ to fear, thus I forgive myself for allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I thus forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the belief that ‘I do not like authority figures’ now seeing, realising, and understanding that it is only myself that I do not like, as when I am in the act of debasing myself by allowing myself to believe that I have been ‘cast down’. Not seeing, realising, or understanding that I was/am the caster of this spell.

I thus forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the rage and jealousy of authority figures, not seeing, realising, or understanding that this rage and jealousy comes from a place where I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being less than this other being, as being less worthy, less ideal - thus leading me into the position where I say to myself ‘why them and not me?’

When and as I see myself as participating within the polarity design or inferior and superior in regards to the people I see and meet in my life - I stop and I breathe - and I will myself to take a step back from the situation and silently forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have participated in a comparison of myself with another, breathing, seeing, realising, and understanding that this comparison is not me, that I can never ‘be’ this other person, and that what this other being ‘has’ does not define neither I or they unless their is an acceptance and allowance of such definition of ourselves, where we base ourselves on position/standing and/or worldly accomplishments. And so in these moments I will myself to come back to myself, my breathing, my physical body, in a realised fashion - whereby I see and understand the inherent equality and oneness between all things, further seeing that if I allow myself to participate in this kind of comparison I am separating myself from myself.

I will myself to see how inferior and superior are both forms that are created by me - and in the act of creation I am placing a spell on myself so as to severely limit and abuse myself through reactions as emotions, projections, fears, and backchats that serve only to separate me from this existence and myself.

Day 6 - Where's the money?!

I will not hear these words directly, but they will come from a subtle angle, I will be compared to other people in my family. I’ll hear my father and/or mother saying ‘but where is the money from the business idea? It’s taking so long’.

I became deeply offended at the idea of taking so long to make financial gains, I would say things like ‘these things take time’ or ‘it’s a development in progress’ or ‘it’s a very hard job I do you know?!’. These statements were of course not as justifying as I was making them out to be. I knew I was lying to myself. I know that I was not really applying myself 100% and that I was not really invested in the idea of actually working for myself.

So all these other excuses came to the fore, I said to myself ‘but I already have a job - that’s why i’m not applying myself’ or ‘I work a lot already - to work more would be ludicrous’. So I could see that there was a certain level of comfort in ‘the way things already were’ - thinking ‘why would I want to change this?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anger when I hear my parents comparing me to other members of my family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that I am being compared to other members of my family whenever my parents talk about how much money I make.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in offence when I hear the word ‘idea’ within ‘business idea’ being spoken by my mother, taking it to mean that what I am working on is just an idea and as such everything that I am ‘doing’ is not real. That it somehow means that what I am doing is not solid or tangible or feasible and that I should ‘move on’. Furthermore I see that these statements are all me - and that I hold onto them within myself as a definition of myself, so I am in fact the one making everything an idea, an infeasibility, a non-solid structure. Not seeing or realising that to make something real, real things have to be done. I cannot just imagine something into existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not succeeding within my business.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take full responsibility for my business, believing that I can just get away with doing the bare minimum.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to participate in a judgement of myself for not making money quickly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say ‘but these things take time’ not really meaning these words but rather hiding behind these words to cover my procrastination and avoidance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that work is hard, not seeing, realising, or understanding that I actually fear failure, I fear the process not working, and in so doing I limit myself so that I do not have to face failure in any form, because if I have done nothing - then there is nothing to fail. Thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in a fear of failure - connecting failure to fear, thus I forgive myself for allowing myself to fear my own fear.

Furthermore I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not apply myself when it comes to my work for the same fear of failure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not living up to the examples set by others, not seeing, realising, or understanding that I must focus on my self and my own process within my life and my business, seeing and realising that comparison is a complete mind fuck.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that because I have a job already, that my other business does not take precedence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the excuse that because ‘I have a job already’ … ‘that is why I am not applying myself’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become too comfortable in my current position, not seeing or realising that my current position is not the best that it can be, and that I have an opportunity to go much further in helping more people within the whole life of their education.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that ‘to work more would be ludicrous as I already work too much’.

When and as I see myself reacting to my mother’s words in relation to my business and see that I am reacting with anger towards them - I stop and I breathe. I will myself to take a look at what words I am responding too and to then investigate this response so that I can see what it is I am showing and highlighting to myself - as all of it will be me, and it will be something that I have allowed to define me. And in doing this I will release myself through self forgiveness and set a course of correction through writing, and then living the writing into reality, creating myself.

When and as I see myself comparing myself to another person’s process and feeling bad because I do not live up their apparent ‘standard’ I stop and I breathe. I will myself to see, realise, and understand that comparison means nothing in this sense, and that I allow myself to severely limit me by not allowing myself to feel bad because of what I ‘see’ as another person having over me. Not seeing that I am actually not seeing the situation properly, and that I am lying to myself by comparing myself, as there is nothing to compare myself to except me. I can only gauge myself according to who I was, am, and will allow myself to be.

Thus a will myself to focus on my own self expansion and self expression and no longer stifle myself through unnecessary comparisons with other people in my reality.

I will myself to see that living my utmost potential means taking the physical steps necessary to move myself every single day, it is exactly the same process involved in learning, Thus I see and realise that it is just simple movement, every day..

Day 5 - Nothings happening!

When I hear these words I get angry because I am saying to myself ‘how dare my mother tell me that there are no fruits to my labor, how dare she point that out to me, does she not know how hard I am working?!’

So I take these words personally; I actually believe them myself in that I see and say to myself ‘hey, nothing is happening’. So there is the need to point out to the rest of the world ‘well actually, something IS happening, you just can’t see it!’ And so I would hide behind these words and make myself believe they are true.

I am beginning to realise that to make something happen, I actually have to do things - I have to make the move, I have to take steps and actually DO. I have always seen that within myself there is a tendency to just let things ‘go the way they want’ - not ever really offering my own direction but rather ‘going with the flow’. In this context going with the flow means, for me, hoping things will ‘move’ and ‘get better’ by themselves, through some magical outside agency. This isn’t how it works.

And so when I hear these words coming from another person towards me, I get angry at them, and I get angry at myself for not doing the things I know I need to do - but rather just sitting and waiting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anger when I hear my mother asking me ‘what have you got to show for it?’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that I ‘need something to show’ for what I have been doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that in life I need to ‘have something’ to prove that my life is ‘worth something’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as the belief that life needs to be defined according to ‘things that I have’ like money, status, and influence.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realise, and understand that this idea that I need something outside of myself to give my life purpose is a fabrication of mind that separates me from myself and from existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my mind when it comes to the agreement that I must have these ‘things’ to make me ‘whole’, not seeing, realising, or understanding how my participation in this construct stops me from living my natural expression and living on behalf of myself instead of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a self judgement of myself whereby I say to myself that I am unworthy and incapable because ‘nothing is moving’ in my business.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realise, and understand that I am not even really taking the necessary steps to get things moving within my business, I can see that I have not pushed myself one hundred percent in making my business a success, so I can see that obviously things will not move if i do not move them.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise, and understand that I actually have to do things to make things happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just let things go the way they will, without once considering that I am not being the directive principle behind the choices in my life, rather just apparently letting life ‘choose’ for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that going with the flow is good - not seeing, realising, nor understanding that in this context going with the flow means to me ‘not doing anything’, just sitting and waiting for things to happen, waiting for other people to do things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that my life will just move along by itself and that all the situations I experience will be resolved by themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a hope that my life will somehow sort itself out without me having to Do anything.

Thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become angry when somebody points out the truth of my situation in that ‘nothing is happening’ in my life, not seeing, realising, or understanding that this is only so - because I have allowed it to be so - through not moving myself.

When and as I see myself thinking to myself that I need ‘something’ outside of me to grant me wholeness and ‘peace of mind’ I stop and I breathe, I will myself to slow down, to look, and to realise that I do not need anything outside of myself to give me purpose or direction in my life, breathing and living my forgiveness into reality in each moment, redefining and living the words self responsibility and authority in each moment creating a trustworthy, responsible human being that is worthy of living on earth, this is my directive

When and as I see myself as going into a despair at what is happening within my business and my life - I stop and I breathe - I will myself to take it slow and to define exactly what it is my steps should be in regard to a point, so for instance getting leads - I can write down the steps I know are necessary to get the ball moving, and it is then simply a case of following them, creating more steps, and seeing where each step goes. Seeing each step fulfilled and moving onto the next, creating movement within myself and thus my life.

Day 4 - What are you doing with all this time son?!

For the most part I could agree that when my mother used to say things like ‘what are you doing with all your time? I would respond by saying something to the effect of ‘I am working, I am working hard, leave me alone, I know what I am doing’. This was all a fabrication of course, I wasn’t in fact working hard at all and I didn’t really know what I was doing.

Later in life I started down the road of business, it was a new thing for me and many interesting things were and still are happening. I was then confronted with these words in some similar form, and I again found myself becoming angry.

I would receives questions like ‘you’re spending all this time doing this, what will come of it?...Why don’t you get a more stable job?...When will you start seeing the reward’. The last one I became particularly irritable towards as I saw myself as a sort of humble hero - thinking to myself ‘I’m not in it for the money geez!’. When in actual fact I was totally in it for the money. She had again inadvertently identified my weak point, and blew off my proverbial legs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger when hearing my mother say to me ‘what are you doing with all this time?’ Going into the belief that she is trying to say that I am not doing enough and that I am being lazy, not seeing, realising, and understanding that I am actually stating to myself ‘I am lazy’ or ‘I am not making the most of my time’ because I can see that I am reacting to her words - and when I react to her words I am demonstrating to myself that I have taken her words personally, ergo I have revealed to myself that I think and believe that what she is saying about me is true.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the excuse of ‘I am working’ when in reality I am not working, but am using these words as justification for doing my own thing - allowing myself to be lost in a realm of entertainment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that I am working hard, not seeing, realising, or understanding that within this statement I am giving myself permission to fulfil the other side of this polarity, which is ‘to not work hard’, and so I allow myself to cycle between these states of apparent ‘hard work’ and then ‘justified reward’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that I know what I am doing when I say the words ‘I know what I am doing’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in offence at my mother asking me the question ‘what are you doing with all this time?’, believing that because I am now involved in business - my life has direction and meaning, and that she is completely unjustified in saying this, not seeing, realising, or understanding that in taking offence and becoming angry I am demonstrating to myself that I am not actually living these words, that I am not really having this direction and purpose in my life even though I say to myself and others that I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anger when I hear my mother saying to me ‘what are you doing with this time? What is coming of it? Why don't you get a more stable job?’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not having anything to show for all the apparent ‘hard work’ I have put in, seeing, realising, and understanding that I am not actually doing this ‘hard work’ that I say to others I am doing, and so when I hear someone ‘call me out’ I react with anger and offence because I can see that I have not been applying myself as much as I say I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that I am a humble hero when it comes to my work practice, that I am doing ‘all of this’ for the sake and benefit of others, to the point where I say to myself ‘I am not in it for the money’, not seeing, realising, and understanding that ‘the money’ is all I have ever been ‘in it’ for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in despair whenever my mother pushes my buttons, not seeing or realising that she is actually showing to me what I have accepted and allowed to exist within myself, that everything I react too, I have created and accepted as within myself, that every time I say ‘but’ there is in fact a point that I am holding onto as a definition point that I hold about myself.

When and as I see myself participating in a belief that I am justified in my reaction of anger towards somebody asking me ‘where all my time goes’ I stop and slow down and breathe and see and realise that these ideas of hard work and justified reward are a polarity that I am choosing to accept, allow, and play out in my life. I will myself to stop and forgive myself whenever I see myself thinking and participating in these patterns, and to breathe and forgive until they are no more, to actually begin to take authority over me in not allowing myself to be subject to these thoughts, feelings, emotions, and backchats that I have taken to be who I am.

Thus I will myself to investigate and live the word authority in my life, authority in taking of standing up to my mind, of investigating, of writing, of doing self forgiveness and of living my corrections in life. To really investigate all things within myself and see the why’s and how’s of who I am so that I can truly get to know myself and live myself as natural expression, and not just a programmed robot.